Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation, and Problem-Solving Skills by Jane Nelsen Ed.D

Author:Jane Nelsen, Ed.D. [Nelsen, Jane]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780307794161
Publisher: Random House
Published: 2011-05-25T00:00:00+00:00

I have found the last question especially helpful. The comments we make to friends usually fit the criteria for encouragement.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PRAISE AND ENCOURAGEMENT1

PRAISE ENCOURAGEMENT

Dictionary definition 1. To express favorable judgment of

2. To glorify, especially by attribution of perfection

3. An expression of approval 1. To inspire with courage

2. To spur on: stimulate

Addresses The doer: “Good girl.” The deed: “Good job.”

Recognizes Only complete, perfect product: “You did it right.” Effort and improvement: “You gave it your best.” Or, “How do you feel about what you accomplished?”

Attitude Patronizing, manipulative: “I like the way Suzie is sitting.” Respectful, appreciative: “Who can show me how we should be sitting now?”

“I” message Judgmental: “I like the way you did that.” Self-directing: “I appreciate your cooperation.”

Used most often with Children: “You’re such a good girl.” Adults: “Thanks for helping.”

Examples Robs person of ownership of own achievement: “I’m proud of you for getting an A.” Recognizes ownership and responsibility for effort: “That A reflects your hard work.”

Invites Children to change for others: Approval junkies. Children to change for themselves: “Inner direction”

Locus of control External: “What do others think?” Internal: “What do I think?”

Teaches What to think. Dependence on the evaluation of others How to think. Self-evaluation.

Goal Conformity: “You did it right.” Understanding: “What do you think/learn/feel?”

Effect on sense of self-worth Feel worthwhile when others approve. Feel worthwhile without the approval of others.

Long-term effect Dependence on others. Self-confidence, self-reliance.

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